I really, really do want to do this, for her, to get better, for her.. But I just can't eat at the moment, it's so horrible.. It's tempting me into not eating again.. Just because I'm fat and I know it and hate it.. I need to lose the weight.. But just know that she didn't want me to, because she said I'm not fat, that I have a lovely figure and she loves me the way I am..

But I just.. Now.. That this has happened.. I want to eat for her.. But I just.. Can't.. Not yet.. Is that fair? Or is that selfish? I feel so selfish..

xx