I know you perceive yourself as fat, though your dear friend told you repeatedly that you aren't. If you want to honor her and do something in her memory, try eating just something small. It doesn't have to be high in fat content, just try something small. Maybe get out some pictures of her, look through them, have some toast or an apple or banana or yogurt, say, "____, I'm doing this for you. Here's to your friendship and love", and toast her and her love. Maybe this will help you. At some point, as much as you want to do it for her, you have to do it for you, too. Do it for you so that you can keep her memory alive. It's like the saying " A journey of a thousand steps begins with one,"-- A journey back to health begins with a small bite.