Naa.. not an excuse. I have a hard time with relationships. My depression is a real downer. Maybe for the first 15 or 20 years I didn't know why I couldn't be in a normal relationship with anyone.. but at my age, it's pretty darned obvious. I probably burned out all my seratonin in the late 70's.

I gotta get back out to work and learn to keep to myself so I don't get involved in questionable behavior (drugs) - the more I think, the more complicated this is getting. The more I think the more I realize that I've been chasing that "feel good" from the time I was a little kid. Knowing it doesn't make it go away though. I was under the assumption that once I understood WHY I did the things I did that I wouldn't have a need to do it anymore. Again :deadhorsebeat_4:

I had a good, hard 2.5 hour work out today.. and I haven't cried once so far today so I'm grateful for that.

I wish I could turn all of this negative energy into making the best of what's left. Does anyone get to do that?

L