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Originally Posted by Sannah
From what you have written up there ^ it sounds like you have chosen a life of loneliness. Maybe the loneliness is one of the things that is fueling the depression? I know that I would be depressed if I isolated myself. We are social creatures.
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other way around... depression came first.. feeling "odd" came first..
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May I suggest that maybe the reason that you haven't been in a normal relationship with anyone is because you were never taught and you so far have never learned? This stuff can be learned. They are basically skills. I had to learn a lot of them.
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I've recently been thinking about that. I was kind of left to myself to figure things out. I never remember being taught a thing as a kid.. not manners (although I figured those out for myself), proper behavior, proper responses... nothing social. Questions were always answered with screaming and yelling. The only thing I knew from the time that I was very young was that I had to get out there and make money.. and started working full time nights at 12/13 years old. As long as I was turning in a paycheck.. it was alright. One time at about 14, I sprained my ankle and couldn't work for a couple of weeks... oh man did all hell break loose. I didn't take another day off until after I moved out and moved into this situation that I'm in now. LOL So I guess I didn't have time to learn much except to sneak around to get high for a couple of hours.
Thanks for making me think about things...as uncomfortable as it is. I just wish "knowing why" would change me.