I know it starts with one small bite.. I am eating something small each day, but I just feel so sick every time i do eat.. i hate it, I really do and now it's making me want to lose the weight deliberately again, despite losing the weight due to stress and not eating much anyway..

I don't have any pictures of her, nothing to remind me of her because we were due to meet, quite soon, too.. As we'd never met in person before.. But death beat me to it..

Everything I do, I don't do for me.. I do it for other people.. i know taht sounds silly, but.. It's so, so true.. I don't want to eat, yet I make myself, just for other people, even when I starved for 'x' amount of days and then when I ate, I threw up because my stomach couldn't hande it.. I wanted to just starve again, but I didn't because of other people.. It's not fair, why can't I just do anything for myself without feeling like I'm being selfish, without letting my past of being called selfish even though I NEVER did ANYTHING for myself, affect me? Why? Why, Why, Why?!!

Sorry..

I'm Just... So sad.. So fed up.. So.. Yuck