I'm wondering if the Effexor is losing some effectiveness for me. For a while, I felt like I was on a high once in a while, and with many good days in between. Lately I feel as if it just masks the worst part of the pain, but underneath, I have not built the "infrastructure" of self-acceptance, self-esteem, faith, economic security/solvency, and nurturing relationships and connections that support people.

Alcohol and drugs also masked the bankruptcy of that infrastructure. I remember being in treatment and a man in the group said he got sober because his family meant so much to him, he couldn't trash that part of his life anymore. I said, well, I had nothing that meant that much to me.

For a while in sobriety, I had a career that I wanted, a long-standing relationship, my dogs, and a beautiful home that surpassed my expectations of what I'd "have" in life. It was all ripped from me over the course of 5 weeks. I am not wandering around in a cognitive daze anymore, but I am still struggling to create meaning. And I think about the "good ole days" of tequila and pot and more -- and I know that I could wind up in a seizure or dead if I ever go that route again.

Oh, GreyGoose, it does sound like we are clinging to rather similar life rafts, doesn't it?

How and why did you wind up giving up the booze and arriving where you are now in life -- not just physically, but emotionally, psychically, physically, if I am not too forward to ask. Feel free to PM.