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sunrise · Sep 04, 2008, 09:33 PM

18 days since my last session. It was so wonderful to be together again.

He was late and I had to wait almost 15 minutes out in the hall. As we went into his office, he was very flustered and telling me all the things that had gone wrong that had made him late. We sat down. “Calm down,” I said, in a steady, soothing voice, “it’s OK.” He looked at me and said, “thank you,” and we both cracked up.

We launched immediately into everything; there was no shyness on my part this time. We had such a good talk. He followed up on something I had emailed him about—a homemade paper heart he had previously given to me. :Heart: He explained how he had cut out the heart while lying on his bed and had kept screwing up but had finally got it right. I loved the image of him lying on his bed cutting out hearts for me.

We also talked a lot about relationships, and I shared with him some heroic/desperate efforts of mine to “make right” a relationship that never seems to work. It really bothers me that it doesn’t. I have tried so hard. T loved some of my efforts. He said I have learned so much and am really becoming differentiated (one of his favorite words, lol). He also said that what he and I have together is very special and he wants me to have some of that with other people too. He says he has what we have with lots of people in his life, then corrected himself, to say “well, just a few” and how he needs that. I think I need it too. It certainly gives me joy and satisfaction to have this with T—it just makes me feel “right” inside that I can do this with someone. How to find this in the big "out there", I'm not sure. :Scratch-Head: That's a topic for another day.

He mentioned again (like at least the third time he has told me this), that he felt a turning point for my H in therapy was at such and such a session, and how he loved that moment--WOW! I said, that was not a good moment for me. At all. :icon_neutral: What? I’ve told you that before, I said. He had forgotten. I know it was a peak moment for him, but for me it was hurtful and frustrating. I explained again and we talked about that a while. I do know cognitively this occurrence was a good thing, but it still both hurts and makes me angry. All the logical thinking in the world cannnot make something hurt less. He said he can see I need some healing there, and he will bookmark it, and we’ll return to it later. I am thinking what a crazy job he has, to seek out where people need healing and then help them heal.

He said this as matter of factly as if he were a hair stylist and was commenting that my hair needed a trim, let’s take care of that next time.

I scheduled to see him next week. I could not bear to take another 18 day break so soon. No way! [/shakes_head_vigorously]

It was really a great session. :Head-Spin:We high fived each other on the way out.

Later today he sent me an email to say what a great conversation that was today. And then he slipped in that he couldn’t make the session we had scheduled next week after all. Oh yeah, T, talk sweet, then drop the bomb. Hopefully we can reschedule for another time that day. I do not want to skip another week! [/shakes_head_vigorously_again]