Do you know what has you feeling that way? What situation you would like to get away from? What can you do to deal with the problem, or to just take a step towards being ready? SI, drinking, smoking, or whatever method you choose are temporary distractions. They help you avoid it for now, but nothing gets better.

If you would like to talk about it, this is a good place for that. Maybe we can help.

A lot of what you are talking about sounds familiar to me, especially not knowing who you really are, and being afraid to find out. Is that what you are avoiding, or is there more to it? When you know who you are, it will be easier to know how to feel - and to be able to control and regulate your emotions and actions.

(((((hugs)))))) if you want them,
Rap