I don't know whether it was an obsession or a fantasy, but years ago, after returning from combat, I thought about shoplifting almost every time I was in a store -- usually stores that had warning signs up about shoplifting as I recall.

The obsession wasn't focused on any particular items. I did not need anything like that. I wasn't short of money to buy.

And whenever the thought crossed my mind, I'd also think how stupid was the idea to steal something. Every time, I wondered why these thoughts were coming to my mind.

In spite of all this obsession with shoplifting, I didn't steal anything or even move in that direction. I was more worried about why I was thinking about it.

Now that I've recognized PTSD and how it can make me act, I wonder whether the obsession with shoplifting (and maybe other things dangerous) are somehow connected to PTSD. Maybe my ptsd enjoys or needs a dangerous situation to compensate for the lack of adrenlin flow felt in combat.

Thankfully, the shoplifting obsession passed into history (and I hope this recollection and telling doesn't bring it back).

You can probably see how this kind of thing makes a ptsd'r feel like a creep, like a phoney. I feel like one person on the outside and another on the inside.