I had my meeting last night with the lady who made the hurtful comments about me last week in group. We were scheduled to meet last night at 6pm. I thought she wasn't going to show up at first. We had 30 minutes scheduled to come to some kind of resolution. She was 15 minutes late (which turned out to be okay because I don't think I could have handled 30 minutes of her anger).

My therapist let me speak first. I had been practicing all week what I would say and was ready. The lady started interrupting me almost immediately and was shaking her head 'no' each time I made a statement. I felt good about being able to get out what I needed to say.

Then it was her turn to speak.

I don't usually allow myself to be around someone that volatile and intense but because I had my T and her T there, I was able to listen to her even though she was yelling, attacking me verbally and being rude. At one point both therapists tried to calm her down and she told both of them to be quiet, that she was going to say whatever she wanted to say. That's when I got really scared. I knew if she wasn't going to respect the therapists authority, she certainly wasn't going to respect what I had to say.

Instead of just acknowledging that she made a hurtful comment, unintentionally, and was sorry, she started raising her voice to everyone, getting extremely angry and fidgety and saying that no one understood her situation. No matter how many times I tried to redirect her to the issue at hand, she went off on tangents about how bad her life is.

I feel good that I not only stood my ground but that I did it in a calm, rational way. Using my DBT skills saved me. She did her best to intimidate me and try to get me to back down or run off, but I didn't do either.

In the end she was the one who left in a huff (therapist running after her). As soon as I was alone with my therapist I started crying and the shaking was so bad I thought I was going to come undone. The other therapist came back and they were both so gentle and encouraging. They both said that I did an excellent job of stating my needs, especially in the face of such intense anger on the other persons part.

I was still feeling quite shaky but went off to group knowing that lady would not be there. We started processing what had happened last week and that night with the group. About 10 minutes in we realized someone had been standing at the door. It was the lady. She eavesdropped on our confidential conversation (she was no longer a part of the group) and then interrupted group. I was so scared that I couldn't even look at her.

She stated again that she was sorry buy she didn't intentionally hurt anyone. But if she had it would have been my therapist. Then she made a nervous laugh and was asked to leave.

Everyone in group was on pins and needles the rest of the night but we did a good job of processing what had happened.

None of us felt safe to walk out to our cars alone, so the therapists escorted us to our cars. I was glad when I was finally home.

I did wake up in the middle of the night with a panic attack, but I used some skills and was able to get back to sleep. My body hurts so bad from being so tensed up and from all the shaking. I had to change my next appointment with my T for a diffferent day to avoid seeing this woman in the hallway, waiting room or parking lot.

Everyone in group said that I was very brave and courageous for standing up to this bully. They were all relieved that she would no longer be attending group. I'm going to contact her counselor to make sure that this person knows that she is NOT to show up at group next week.

It was a horrible, scary situation to go through, but I'm proud that I did make it through it (even though I'm still shaking today )

Have any of you had to deal with such an angry, volatile person? What impact did it have on you?