Oh I did so well today, except for the whole going to sleep on the couch for an hour and half today before my meeting. But no tears. Of course, I did get a 7:22 a.m. message from S., though, so that helped. I did great throughout the meeting, presented my information,took notes on what other reports the doctors wanted (I work for doctors). Then after the meeting I start checking my email and other places he would send me a message. None. Little bit of panic/depression sets in, but nothing Krispy Kreme and a dietCoke won't help (of course, now I feel like a cow because I ate two donuts!). I get home start checking all the places again and he's posted a couple times on the sports forum we message each at, but no message. Now I'm agitated and snapping at my girls (ok, when my straight A 11th grader can't spell ensemble or distribute, it's irritating). Everything is irritating me. I am trying not to cry. My other daughter has a karate demo tonight that I have to be ok for. I cannot start crying. Except telling myself that is not working. Everything is so loud right now, even the stupid squirrel in my wall (yes, we have a squirrel that lives in our wall/attic). There's so many places this could be posted: here, self-esteem (because why am I not good enough for him to know it's right this time), eating disorders (because I want to comfort eat but the thought of eating disgusts me, but I feel better while I eat, until I'm done then I am disgusted again), and I don't know what else but I want the volume in the world to turn down and the tears to stop.