I've been thinking a lot today about what my pdoc said to me the other day, that he felt bad he hadn't been able to help me more. And I thought, this is a man who actively intervenes in and affects other people's lives on a daily basis. People use MY work to potty train puppies. If HE doesn't think he's accomplished anything, *I* certainly haven't, in comparison.

And I have this stinking birthday coming up, and all I can think is, "why bother?" In 40 years so far, I've accomplished zip-zippo-nada. I have no reasonable expectation of that changing. So why bother? I have enough pills to open my own pharmacy here and could easily go that route. I guess I'm looking for a reason not to. I've wasted half my life -- why bother?



Candy