Even at the expense of others? I got this serious guilt thing going on. I want to have a life, and I'll "give" my x hub everything there is.. the house, all contents, cash.... and I'm willing to go my own way with the clothes on my back - then I think of him being all alone in the world (even though he's very capable). He's a good man, and even though we both worked for what we have, he's the one holding it all together for the last few years with me on my butt. I can't hurt him.. he doesn't deserve that. Lots of guilt here... Although I don't love him anymore - haven't in years, I do respect him and the sacrifice he has made in his own life to raise a wonderful child. I repect him for tolerating me.

It's hard to "not care"..... I've gone away a couple of times. Once was 2 month - caring for a dying sister in another state. Toward the end he kept calling and asking "when are you coming home". I went out to the midwest to help a disabled friend for a few weeks a couple of times. He called and asked "when are you coming home". He alludes to not knowing how to eat right or take his vitamins. He kinda acts like it's a hardship to take his clothes to the cleaners (rather than me ironing). I feel guilty, and come back quickly. He'll enable me to sit on my butt .. as long as I don't go. In the interim, I've got demons to tackle.. and I can't do it here. Crazy.