I'm drowing.....
I'm so just...it changes in a second, I'm angry, I don't know, I keep losing little bits of time...when did I take a shower??? I can't keep grounded. Switch bakc andforth.
I went to the doctor the other day...felt like I was going to pass out everytime they opened the door to call out names. Saw nures pracitner, she rushed through the appointment, treated me like I was in her way, I didn't know how to communicate what I needed, I just sat there wrning my hands, she asked anxiety and depression, which is worse? Ummm Ihave to choose? I went with anxiety, it was like she was talking underwater I didn't understand the questions, I couldn't stay focused. I stayed up all night thinking about the doctor's appointment and how I felt like a faliure afterwards, dumb me that couldn't communicate. Just felt angry all night, kept fading out...woke up in diffrent pajamas. I messed up and self injured, I have a scar on my arm and I wanted so bad to just tear it open. I hate me so much today, I feel like throwing myself on the floor, and screaming, my throat is so tight, like I'm choking...I want to cry but I can't, I just can't...stupid stupid stupid stupid messed up me...GRRRRRRRR!!!!
I just want to hurt, to understand, pain is all I understand sometimes............I feel like quiting everything and just hiding under the covers..
I'm so confused, angry, hurting, scared, little pieces of time missing..where do they go..................................:Bawling::Noooo::Argh::Sob::icon_frown: