I so understand your love for animals....they are truely the only unconditional love that exists in this world.....they need us....we need them.....then love us no matter what & I know that I love my eskies beyond anything I have ever felt love for before.

I think one of the important things to start with would be to let go of the past things that just couldn't be with the funerals.......you were too young do even know anything about your Dad's funeral....at the age of 3....most everything is just a blur except for what we have been told about it which becomes our memory or what we have thought later about it.

Yep, even the foods I liked made me feel sick, but at least the taste wasn't adding to the sick feeling.

Depersonalization is when you are somewhere, but you feel like you are watching yourself move & hearing yourself talk. You are answering questions, but it's like it isn't you that's talking & you don't know where the answer is coming from. It scared me to be around people when I was like that because I was afraid they would realize the strange feeling I was having. I would sit in the hospital room next to my Mother & feel like it was all a dream I was living in & I was just watching the nightmare going on all around me. My pdoc said that was my bodies reaction to stress.

Sadly, the infections come when our body isn't being fed well & the nutrition that we need to keep our bodies healthy to fight off infections just isn't there....I had several serious infections during the time I was in the hospital.

The issues you are having with people causing problems with you in college...I think that was why I didn't hang around anyone specific in college. I went to the university, focused on my major & getting my degree for my career.....I swore that nothing was going to get in my way of being successful. Sadly, all I can say about that is that it takes your determination to keep people out of your way of being a success.....if you fail, it isn't their fault.....it ends up being our own fault for allowing them to do it to us. I realized that & made sure that NO ONE got in my way. If they tried, I wouldn't let them anywhere close to my life. I am still that way....which is why after 33 years of marriage (we haven't been together for the last 13 years however & I moved out last year...moved from California to Kentucky all alone). Rather be alone than allow someone to drag me down.

When our attitude isn't working & we are hurting ourselves with it, it's time to look at it & change what isn't working......most of the time when we think we have failed others they don't even know about it because that is usually an internal feeling or something that is based on what people say rather than the reality about the situation.

I really hope that you can take yourself out of doing & being for others & really be & do for yourself. It isn't selfish at all to be that way.....as in reality, we can't love others until we love ourselves & who we are. Feeling better about ourselves is a good thing. It doesn't get rid of stress completely, & I still end up feeling sick when I get stressed....but it's at a much different level than the levels I have gone through in the past.

If you ever need to PM or anything, I am always available if there is anything I can do to help,
Debbie