My mom decided that it's time my baby book passed down into my hands for safe keeping. I was looking through it tonight and was hit in the chest by a flood of emotions, both good and bed. Memory Lane is an interesting place when it seems as if it's the first time you've ever been there. I found some letters my mother wrote to me as a baby that I was to read many years later. I thought this was worth sharing because it illustrates why my mother and I are so very close. I can't really even remember these times in my life. I must have been around 3 because there's no mention of my sister.

Ryan,
I'm just sitting here waiting for Dad to get off work (he had been home and gone again for a while now), so I thought I'd write this. I just want you to know how special you are to me. There was a year of my life that I wouldn't have made it through without you. You held me together and even made me extremely happy. You were everything to me. You were such a big little boy. You didn't understand what was happening or why. Holding an adult together when they want to fall apart is a big burden for a little boy. You'll always be special to me for it. You and I became very close then. We shared everything... our joy, sorrow, and lonliness. But we laughed and we loved. And we had a relationship that was rare. I'm sorry that you had to go through it and I did everything I could to make it easier. It made me realize that God's greatest gift is a little boy.

Mom

My eyes are leaking rivers of mixed joy and sorrow as I write this. Maybe now you all will understand my excitement at her visit. It's not just my mother visiting, it's my best friend. From my earliest years, we stood side by side facing every foe the cruel world has in it's army... a father who was an abusive addict and more often than not couldn't find his way home, poverty, divorce, anger, sorrow, the birth of a new sister ( which is hardly a foe but a definite struggle with no money or father), and about a million other struggles. We're both have many battle scars from the years of what seemed like torture, but even to this day, we're undefeated together, and from her strength I've learned to win them all when I have to stand alone. Just thought I would share that. Hope it doesn't sound silly. Thanks for reading.

Ry