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09:12 PM

Can I post this here? This is a safe section to me. Feel safe here and that I can talk and people won't jump all over me and get angry or laugh or judge or something.

Things haven't been good lately

At all. Stuck between wanting to go hide from everyone again but not wanting to be lonely. These new forums still scare me.

Psych thinks Kate has a dissociative disorder. She's been having a terrible time lately, to say the least

I feel stupid for always knowing that there was something going on but never really knowing what. I worry so much about her. Her issues will always be more important to me than mine.

I thought it would be nice for the two of us to go out for a bit the day she was out of hospital because she was very edgy and scared from seeing a psych and everything. They throw around diagnosis she denies and says are not true. Out of the entire population of this city we run into her father, her sick twisted sorry excuse for a father who should be very very very dead. I feel so bad for her. He hurt me before, he used to, but that's doesn't matter. My fault. What he did to her, he should be dead. And he has the nerve to apologize because he thinks she remembers nothing.

Awful for both of us. Out of all the bloody people to run into, we run into HIM.

I doing awfully but I don't really matter. So hard to tell reality from my twisted mind, I can't believe anything I hear or see, because the voices in my head seem so real. The things I see seem so real. Terrible scary things I can't talk about or express :boy(sad): The psych I saw says things and continues to push what he says is a part of my diagnosis and keeps wanting me to medicate but I don't trust him. I don't know who to trust. Do I have friends or do I have people who just tolerate me out of some decency.

Haven't been me. I'm scared of myself. I'm scared of us. I'm scared of things I can't talk about in public. I'm still threatened by one alt. Apparently when a little was out I tried to jump out the window because I was convinced I could fly. I don't have people to talk to. None of us do. I refuse to bother Kate through all of this because I don't want to trigger her and she's vulnerable right now and I'm not going to be the person who makes her feel worse.

So I type this because maybe it'll be read but even if it's not then at least I typed something out and did something productive in what has been a messy whirlwind of days.

We're all scared. We're all feeling so terrified, alone, exposed, feeling like we bother everyone and that we drag everyone down. Feeling responsible for so much. I don't like this. None of us do. We're lost and scared and in the dark again. Memories keep coming up. Sorry that I'm back.

:Help: