Just spent an hour and some messaging with S, he even called, which, in his situation, surprised me. I was so happy to hear from him, then I mentioned hoping that he'll be able to meet me in NY when I go in November and then came the reminders (like I need any) that he may or may not be able to, said he would still talk to me online and god I just want to cry (ok, I am crying, but I just want all the tears to come out, maybe then I wouldn't feel like this). I should be so happy and instead I feel devastated all over again.