Ryan,
I'm unclear when you said "take the advice of the others, that it would give me a look into the depths of the illness".
I am Bipolar-II, my brother is Bipolar-I, I grew up with him, and I couldn't begin to tell you all he suffered, hospitalizations, police, meds. and docs.
I saw the violence, I witnessed him break dad's ribs, beat my other brother up, and destroy the inside of our home, etc.
I was a little girl, it was horrible, but I always remained the closest to him, at 6yo I literally was the shoulder he cried on during his depressions, at home and during hospital visits.
5 yrs ago when I "melted down", (severe depression/suicidal)voluntarily was hospitalized, and then put on several meds, some nasty and then finally one that worked wonders.
I had "mild mania", shopping daily for the "things I liked"
( now I look at some of the stuff and ask why did I buy all this) I also went through agitative states, not real bad, but enough to upset those around me.
I wish those that come to this forum, will come to realize that I DO understand how confusing, depressing, agitated, and sometimes you also get a good feeling, but that never lasts, either.
I wish too, that members here will see that I am not minimizing their pain, confusion, and mental anquish. Though I have not yet had severe bouts for awhile, I DO understand the awful, empty, confused, feeling of depression.
Besides Bipolar, I also have bouts, anxiety attacks, and occasional take Klonopin or Ativan, which I hardly use.
And another DX the pdoc's gave me was mild ADD, well I knew I had that for years, but that is another story.
I just had to reply to this, cause I felt (I may be wrong) that you and the others think that I think I know about everything, and they do not like me, if I just pass on stuff I have learned, rather by life itself or read, I am not by any means, a "Ms. Know it all" type of person, so please, Ryan and the others, just try to understand me, in all fairness.
The above, is just a fraction of it all, I just want you to know, I am not new to this disorder, I have relatives with it real bad, I have a nephew that has really gone through hell, etc.
I know and understand how scary, etc. it is when episodes switch, it sucks.

Thanks for listening,

Sincerely,
DE

((((((((((( Ryan ))))))))))))