Hi everyone, just wanted to let you know that I am slowly 'coming back'.

I have had a 2 steps forward, 4 steps back thing going on and haven't been around lately.

In my ideal world I would like to post everyday and keep in touch with support for you, too.

But, I am finding the physical side of my illness very hard to manage now. In short, I have ache and pain in the head, neck, shoulders and back to a greater or lesser degree, every day. Been like this for around 4 years now.

Keeping cheerful (while also suffering with depression !) is mighty hard, but usually I manage it. I knew 'being easily pleased' would come in handy one day !

I lay in bed at night thinking of topics to discuss, things to say on the forums, but in reality (actually typing it out) I don't have as much energy as that would take.

I have become so unreliable since being ill - I don't want to be, but I am not able to do all that I would like. And I have got to come to terms with it .

I am feeling quite overwhelmed by everything, do you know that I went shopping in the city for 2 hours (inc getting there and back) and was totally exhausted by the end. It then affects my brain and I can't express myself, can't remember simple words, feel like my mind is a thick fog.

It is sooooooo frustrating...........I have lost my intelligence.............When I talk to shop assistants I come across as 'slow'..........maybe even drugged......... I look 'normal' but I am not...........I keep my eyes away from clothes which I love........don't go anywhere to wear them anymore......... I feel like I am disabled.......will I always be like this..........I now want to scream, but I won't.

Sorry about that, I know there are lots more ppl worse off than me, but there are also loads of ppl who take their jobs and life for granted and that is something I can't do anymore.

Thanks for listening, I was ok at the start, but then I just lost it.

Now that little rant will mean worse to come....ho-hum, think I will go and have a think about the meaning of life now.

Oh, hope you (if anyone's read this far !) are ok, I'm not always like this........Take care of you ! Poppet