Oh for **** sake, i think Im seeing things now. I just went into the kitchen and this creature which was big and black, like a really big slug just glided across the floor and went under the kitchen sink. Like the size of a mouse but it couldnt be a mouse because it was really really too fast. Like a flash. and it didnt run. I dont know what it was I didnt really see it properly. The thing is I dont actually think that it was actually there. Ive done this a few times before over the years.

But then again im sat here terrified to death because I think there is something in my kitchen and I want to go to bed.

I bet you all think Im crazy now. I understand what you mean about the self hatred, because i do that alot, but I am trying to 'accept' myself for who I am.

something which I didnt mention about these dreams is that the feeling I had during the dream feels so real when I wake up, that I have to blame him for actually leaving me/cheating/what ever he does in my dream. I have urges to not answer his calls the next day, and hate him for what he did to me, its like I believe it is real even though it was just a silly dream!! I really dont know whats real and whats not lately - x