Thank you all for replying and for your kindness.

I might have been raised " on alert " but I don't know because I don't remember, not even, ever being a child.

I do remember though since my teenage years. I do remember a lot of times when I have been in danger, also a lot of times when I was on alert not only for myself but for others close to me. I do remember not too long ago when my life was in danger for trusting someone very close to me ( something that I don't want to remember, that I want to block but flashbacks keeps popping much too often).

Trust, that powerful word, trust that has hurt me so often.

I know that many people wouldn't hurt me but " this feeling of being in danger " doesn't agree with me.

I want to say that I'm sorry to all the kind people who has offered me to talk to me online or by phone, right now I can't but who knows the future.

Thank you!
Weird Justgiving