I know exactly why I am separated, I everytime I have any interface with him over the phone, it only reinforces my reasons why.

I am handling all the bills & have all the mail forwarded to my house in Kentucky.....he lives in our house in California....I own my farm here in Kentucky.

The other day, I was making sure that he would take in a bill that I didn't get in the mail so it would get paid on time. He had asked me to transfer over money for my horse expenses that he had paid...not a problem....I am trying to pay for all my expenses.....I expect him to pay for his. We are both on disability & he gets more than I do.....even though he has the house payment to make.

His water bill came in higher than normal (summer in California...normal). He chose to go to his brothers house for labour day & ended up filling the gas tank.....so that was an extra tank of gas....then I made him pay for a swim suit he needed for July 4 at his brothers also.

He ends up whining because he can't go to the UCLA extension open house as he doesn't have money for gas to get there. Gee, do you think there is such a thing as priorities.....if you have to go to the open house (he thinks that going back to UCLA's extension will end up getting him a job....that remains to be seen as he can't even handle simple things in his life let alone getting through courses at a university). I told him that he should have thought about that before going to his brothers for labour day & set up his priorities so that he could do the things that he feels he HAS to do. He hates to not have money, he has never had to live on the money he has.

He tells me that he's taking care of my dogs.....he only has 5 out of the 11 dogs & I can't take care of all of them anyway......it's like children, he was involved in keeping them from our litters & bringing the others into the family with wanting to show......so now he thinks that because he doesn't want any responsibility besides himself, that I should take them.....well, that's just not happening as I want to give them a quality life & it's hard even giving 6 a good quality life with all the love & attention they need. I just lost one of my doggies (I had 7 to start with) when he strangled himself around a pole when I got distracted with my yard work & had a choke chain on him with his long leash.......I know how much love & attention they need & am making sure I am there for them now. I told him that if he wanted no responsibility then he would have to find homes for them & that's his responsibility.

Everytime I have any interface with him, it just reinforces what a complete jerk he really is & how I tolerated him for 32 years (we now have been married for 33 years) I have no idea.

I want to go back to California for my God son's wedding in November, but will never go back to the house where he lives to stay. I need to go back & pack up more of my things & get really moved here, but am not really at a place to do that either. I can't imagine ever being around that jerk ever again in my life. At least I know that we can hire a lawyer to file the paperwork & get the separation legal after we finish the bankruptcy.

He wants to take out a student loan to pay for the UCLA extension.....with the problems he has relating to people, my gut feel is that he's just throwing money away. I told him he could take out the loan after we are separated legally as any loan he takes out now I am part of as long as I am still married to him & the separation isn't legal....I refuse to take on any of that responsibility or be a part of it.

Again, I am such a bad person........
Oh well, I would rather be a bad person than get stuck with his debt. He already screwed up our taxes in 2005 with my estate money. I owe a huge amount of money on that which is taking away what I have to finish off my farm.....but he also made a huge mistake that is his responsibility & I am holding him responsible for paying for that. I have spent hours working with the IRS to figure out what I need to do to reduce the amount owed.....initially it was over $20,000.....but they didn't get rid of the penalty or interest on the money that still was owed.....I proved that I didn't owe some of the money & they got rid of that & the penalty & interest on that, but they were supposed to take the letters from the Dr 's & get rid of it all.....so I found out that I have to send in a form & the letters weren't enough.......go figure....there is always something.

He went a whole year without even telling me about this problem or even talking to the IRS, then I found it out with a certified letter that was finally forwarded to KY & I got it. Now this is really a responsible person who will make it though an extension program at a university????? I am still cleaning up his messes & things he hasn't handled right......

OH the ranting.....I am feeling so down lately, this was the first day out of my house for almost 2 weeks.....I am finally getting back to feeling functional after getting hit by the IRS......so I really don't have any sympothy for him....NON WHAT SO EVER.

I realize I have absloutely no love for him & probably never did as I don't have a twinge of feelings for him at all when I think about him....only glad that I don't have to be around him anymore.

Sorry for the long rant...there is just so much he give me to rant about....lol

Debbie