Freewill. Im sorry you are sad. Im sorry people hurt you. Im sorry you blame yourself. Im sorry your T didnt help. I hate that deep intense pain it feels yucky....I know it passes. I dont have DID, and your right a pill wont fix it. It must be scary. I loose blocks of time from disasociating..and I dont like it. I wish i could say poof...your better. Hang in there.