You are not a failure. This sort of thing would drive ANYONE nuts. Trust me you are not alone when it comes to kids destroying things and feeling like there is no point in even putting forth any effort anymore. The beauty of kids is that sooner or later they leave the roost and then you can enjoy them more because you don't have to worry about what they are going to mess up in your home next. Can you tell I spend all my time cleaning up messes my kids make and arguing with them over things there shouldn't be any argument over???? Seriously, I know a couple who are having troubles just like you. She has ended up having to stay home to watch him because they can't leave him alone. These people don't have our issues, but are still losing it. I hope things get easier for you, but please stop feeling like a failure as a parent because you are not.