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Hi Malady,

This is the problem that i'm having bigtime now- every time someone doesn't understand something that a part does or just gets unreasonably angry and dumps on or even threatens me i switch to a little one. It's an unconcious thing. i can't help it. i need to find a way not let this happen because we're getting so upset and exhausted, losing it and crying in public out loud like a baby every day- because my family is not helping , not supportive at all.
When a little is out, they don't think that there is a big one. i remember later that my little opened a car door in the middle of the road and stepped out and cried uncontrollably yesterday in the middle of the afternoon near my workplace after being picked up from work.

Today a little cried like that again- a horribly loud and out of control sobbing because of threatening unfair personal criticism and negativity at home. We can't handle it when we're little. i don't know how to change it because i don't have communication. i wish it didn't happen. It is the worst feeling that you can ever have. It's like there is no one in the world that cares about you. There's so much a lack of control it's scary.

You're right, it isn't fair for a child part to take that kind of a. but it happens with me a lot and i don't know what to do to change it. i can't control switching or comfort my littles because they don't know me.

It's a mess. i wish i knew what to do.

kerria
(we've been away for a while and sometimes too afraid to post again. It always seems to end up that there aren't any answers for the dilemmas that we get ourselves into).

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Kerria,

I am deeply thankful for your post here. At last I don't feel like a freak or like I'm all alone. Even though I'm not MPD/DID, what you describe is exactly what I experience. I become little myself, or else I become "a little" the same way a MPD/DID person would only without the MPD/DID if that makes any sense. It just hits all at once and there's nothing I can do. There's no one there to take care of me. One time Little Me left the car when Big Me's boyfriend was yelling. He drove away and left "us" there, probably thinking I was being a jerk and would come to my senses. I did, 6 miles to the nearest gas station with tears running down my cheeks and blisters on my feet having to call him to come get "us". I'm not making any sense I know but it was the Little Me that did that and in a perfect world someone else would know it was a little kid not the adult it appears and do what's necessary to take care of it.

Thanks again for posting.
Mal.