Just a brief mention of alcohol at the end.



Thanks you guys. Nice to log on and see responses.

Sorry to be so negative and annoying today.

Sadly today was complete @#&%. Doctor did not go well Showed up very hung over, got scared in the waiting room, saw the doctor, bad news. Worst news I could get for my stupid eye. I feel awful.

IRL people try to help and ease the pain but they never really can. I won't bother Kate, I love her too much and I want to be strong for the both of us. Got other news today regarding someone and I can't tell anyone IRL and now I just feel terrible, keeping things inside hurts. After being used to being alone all the time you'd think it wouldn't bother me. I don't want to feel isolated. A lot of the time I wish I'd wake up in the morning and check my mailbox and just get a letter from a friend saying, "hey, how are you, let's talk" but that's probably really sad to want to crave something like that. I'm a loser.

Plus I don't really trust my friends to tell them bad stuff sometimes for fear of actions they'd take for "my best" because whenever people do that %^!@ happens.

Just bad today. Sorry to whine but I am. Because of the doctor and because of other stuff. I want to hide and fade away and sometimes I just wonder if it really matters.

At least today it's gonna seem like the one person that will be there for me and that will let me talk is a few bottles :boy(sad):