trigger







get triggered being ignored sometimes.
it's just a reminder dirt like me doesn't matter. just a reminder that I deserved what I got.
people (not referring to a particular person here or anything like that) have their friends, people they talk to in private, people to help them. people have coping skills.
I don't have that. coping skills? just like my &*@!ing dad would have wanted- alcohol, drugs, hurting myself.
alone, always alone, talk to myself in my head about things that happen that I can't talk about IRL.

tapes playing in my head, over and over again, you're worthless, you deserve this, this is normal, don't struggle, don't cry, help is weak, you're weak, you deserve to be killed, I'll always be better then you, you can't tell, you can never tell, you're never safe, I bet you like this, you know this is what should happen.

over and over and over again. I hear them. I see them. I feel them. now more @#!* happens and have to be silent, have to shut up.

am I even human? I feel like I'm just their leftovers. I don't matter, I don't. I don't see how I do- I don't. everyone would be better off.

post this then go back to pretending I'm okay, pretending nothing is wrong, that I'm fine. pretending gets real &*!$ing tiring. I'm talking to a wall and expecting it to reach out to me.