Thanks for your reply, Debbie.. I hope that I can just get on with this year at college and not let anyone get in the way of me being successful because I just let everyone bring me down.. They'r forever taking advantage of the fact that I am kind to people, I will do things for them, I will give in to them so easily or I feel guilty if I don't..

I hate that I am like that and I don't want to get better for myself, with the Eating Disorder.. I want to starve, it's all that I feel I deserve.. Like I deserve more pain than that.. Which is why I ended up in hospital this morning.. Because I left some cuts to get infected.. Didn't mean to, was just too scared to go and get it sorted, but a friend made me go in the end, she came with me.. The nurse was ok, just made me quite on edge.. I think she tried to guilt trip me, by saying she'd be distraught if her daughter did that..

I came home and not too long after felt suicidal again.. So.. Still feeling the same now, but going to the doctors in a bit, so will talk to my doctor about it.. Just.. Feeling really sick and dizzy now, is that bad? Could it mean I'm allergic to the iodnine gauze stuff she put on the cuts to prevent the infection getting worse?

I've been really weak and shaky all day too.. Could that be due to significant blood loss, after about 5 hours blood loss in total over the past 3 days? Only trickling, but still bad enough..

I don't know.. I don't feel hungry but my friend is always up for food and I cook for her normally, so it's always a temptation and she never eats if I'm not..

So, not sure what to do..

Kirsten xx