I put this in here because, well, maybe it should have gone in abuse with my other post but ..... another memory i had today was of running away from home when i was around 13/14 .... my mum and dad just weren't emotionally supporting me, we had an argument and i walked in the middle of the night from the village i lived in to .... of all places, my abusers house....... I still feel so much shame .... why did i do this ..... ??????

My T says because there was noone at home, at least i would have had attention off my abuser, even if it was bad attention ..... it was a cuddle ..

She didn't realise until today that he was around a lot of the time ... he was like a step father in fact, he came to my school plays and so on ..... because my father was emotionally cold, she said it was my way of trying to grab some kind of emotion .......

I feel so ashamed ....... i know i will deal with this, just wondered if anyone else had had this happen, everything seems to be flooding back so fast .... and this kinda memory i could do without ......

Jin xxxx how could i run to the person who was hurting me the most ..... I know my t explained it .... i just dont want anyone here thinking 'oh my god she ran to her abuser' it wasn't like that ...... i cant explain, and it was dark and i was scared and he lived in the red light area.... it just seemed sensible at the time .......... sorry maybe i was encouraging him ....... eeeww feel sick