I've been using a pocketknife to make scratches on myself this week. I started doing it on Sunday, and did it every day this week except I didn't yesterday. The locations have been strategically planned not to be noticed too easily (hip, upper leg, upper arm - I tried the bottoms of my feet but the skin is too tough there). I seem to function better overall when I'm doing this, although I've never done it so frequently before. When I can't feel the last one anymore, I do it again.

My husband noticed some of the scratches last night. He grilled me on why and how, etc., insisting that it must be because of him, and also that I must have meant for him to find it there. I really didn't expect to get caught. I didn't think I was doing it for attention, but as it turned out, I didn't particularly mind being grilled about it. Was it more for attention than I thought it was?

I refused to tell him what I used (he would hide it, not that it would be hard to find something else). I don't plan on telling my T this time. I'm not doing bad at all right now. I was upset on Sunday when I started, but since then just did it for maintenance or something. I used to have to be pretty upset to SI, so that change has me a little concerned. I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess I'm trying to work out what's going on. Don't feel obligated to answer - I have no idea what I'm looking for with this.

<font color=purple>"The real problem of mental life is not why some people become insane, but rather why most avoid insanity." -Erich Fromm</font color=purple>