Hi katielee and welcome to PC!

I'm wondering if you are in therapy at all for your depression/paranoia? If not, it may be a good thing to look into to find out exactly where your fears of being cheated on are truly coming from and then you can work on them.

Having been on the other end of constant questioning of who I'm talking to, where I've been, accused of cheating....I can tell you from that perspective that it's very very difficult not to get angry, upset and completely frustrated with it all. No matter how I tried to convey and convince that I was true blue.....it just didn't matter. He just insisted that I was up to something or that I was going to leave him. Unfortunately, I did leave him. I just couldn't live under that microscope anymore...there was no joy left in our relationship....no trust makes for a very difficult time. It really pushes away the ones we care about the most.

Is it possible that you are thinking these things because you have low self esteem? Maybe you've been hurt in the past by the same thing you are accusing your b/f of? Maybe even it could be that you don't really want anyone too close because it scares you to have that closeness and this is a good way to keep someone at arms length....and if the relationship doesn't last, you can blame yourself and continue the cycle of distrust and pain?

I can also say that I too have felt jealousy in a relationship and I had a hard time figuring out how to deal with it and stop it. I had to look deep within myself to figure out where it was coming from and why and how could I fix it. I realized that I had to reconcile my thoughts and believe that until I had something smack dab in my face that proved he was not being truthful with me that I was going to ruin our relationship. It only happened to me in one relationship and I can tell you it felt horrible....so I can imagine how you are feeling.

I hope you can figure all this out soon before there is real harm done to your relationship and to the both of you because of your fears. I know it's scary and hard sometimes to find the problem and fix it.....but it's soooooo worth it in the long run!

Wishing you well.


sabby