Joining in the ranks of those of us processing today's session.

I am all over the place.

When I got to his office there was a really soft, plush and rather large blanket on the couch that had never been there before. It was really cold in his office, but I acted like the blanket had always been there and just pushed it aside. ?

Where was the rough, burlap, uncomfortable pillow I am accustomed to hugging?

He asked me how I felt and I told him I was very, very tired.

I was sitting with my feet on the edge of the couch hugging my knees. He asked me to notice my posture and I said I was folded. He asked me what that meant about how I felt and I said I was little. He agreed and said it's normal for us to regress and be in a child state but it was equally important to acknowledge and take care of ourselves whatever state we are in. I'm not so sure about this (what he actually said). I hate it when that happens. I'm not sure about whether he was being critical or not, although I don't think he was.

I talked about a problem I've had at work and he challenged me saying I was acting out of a child state, recreating some scenes from my childhood. I told him I was pissed off at him and he said he knew. But I was able to be po'd and continue through the session--recovering myself. I talked through the anger. (This, even though I kept looking at the clock, an unusual escape wish for me.)

There's a part of my relationship with my H that T is pushing me to take care of myself on. I'm having a really hard time with this concept.

I feel like he's pushing me to notice things because I'm falling into a depression again and he knows it.

(OMG as I write this he just returned my call....)

I called him after session and left a message because I felt like he really doesn't understand one aspect of the disagreement and that has to do with my being / feeling / like I am completely alone with not only the financial responsibility but the care of my son. And this has been true for a long time. Like many working mothers, I have been the one who has had to live with the anxiety of calling in sick to work on days when my kids were sick and getting to work late because I have to get the kids to school (my current problem).

I bet his wife used to take care of those tasks while he saw clients!!

During session I made reference to some stupid things I did while he was away.

Oh yeah, by the last ten minutes I was busy holding the blanket like a security blanket and braiding the fringe on the edge.

I'm sad. I'm blah. I'm confused. I'm so so tired.