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I have been having deams that really bother me the last two night or so. I can call them nightmeres but they are not terryifying. Monday night the dream was I was looking at at least a hundred pages of hospital reports and a docter had written about alot of stuff that happened to me, and there were pictures of the event. I woke up very sad and flooded with stuff. When I finally went back to sleep I had a dream about this cop who was a yucky foster dad who did yucky things and I was collecting evidence against him to finally get him arrested. Last night I had a dream about being a kid and getting kicked out of the foster home for doing something small. Thy kept telling me I wasnt even their kid and they didnt have to put up with it and I was begging them to let me stay because I loved them and they were mean and cold and kept rminding me i wasnt there kid I was an orphan to the living. I am tired. I dont like these emotional dreams. They all are related to stuff thats painful to remember. I did get moved in and out of foster homes alot and yes people told me I wasnt their kid and my heart broke a lot. I am a loving person by nature and I would love any one who showed a tiny bit of kindness like feeding me or not hitting me. You would think my past would have taught me to be tougher and not so loving. I eventually learned how to cover up that loving part and turn meaner. But I really wasnt.
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 Happy fall my friends
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