Once again I've been doing good all day. My spirits were up quite high, my reports I'm working on for work have been turning out, I've been joking and laughing with people here at work. Then, about an hour again I was entering info into Excel and I just started crying. Then I looked around at my desk and can't even see my desk and I'm supposed to stay this evening and talk with the doctor and I hear he's in a bad mood so my heart starts beating faster and my leg starts bouncing and the dread sets in. Then I check my email (cuz it's almost time for S to go home) and he sends me such a nice email I start bawling and I'm happy he did but so sad that we can't be together and sad about all the other stuff that goes along with it and I just hate this time of day. And somehow my lovely brain makes a jump to worrying about money (or trying to remember what that is because I don't have any) and then it jumps to the negatives about me and gets stuck. Why don't brains ever get stuck on the positives?? And I am in a lot of pain today. I feel selfish because I know a lot of you are struggling with much worse and some want just a minute of happiness, while I selfishly want to make it through a whole day without crying and now this makes me cry more because I'm selfish and I'm typing so fast and crying and I can't see anymore. sorry.