*tears* Thankyou so much ...... for the comforting words of wisdom. Bead lady you are right, it does help .... thankyou pixie, yes, we deserve to get off our own backs .... we ARE survivors ..... and we should be proud, ARE proud ..... WE ROCK BB and everyone who replied, I thank you so much for not judging me .... i think i am over guilt a lot, shame is still a big issue right now but i'm working on it .... once both of these factores are dealt with, i think moving on will be quicker ......

love you all, Jin xoxoxoxoxoxoxo