<font color="blue">Recently I went into the chat Support Room needing help. I was so upset I couldn’t stop crying. I usually dive in to help people. I had never gone in there needing help.

Two people came in for a little while to try to help me, but they had to leave quickly. I sat there for over ½ hour by myself with tears of pain pouring down my face and a feeling of desertion from being left there alone when I knew the regular chat was absolutely full of other people.

The next day my sorrow was under control, but I felt angry and betrayed. Ryan and I talked a lot about it and he tried to tell me the sometimes people are just not able to go to support because they’re just not that strong and they would hurt themselves. I just didn’t understand.

Finally I was truly triggered by trying to help someone in chat. I had my first major bipolar episode because of it. I am not able to go to Support now without crashing again and I finally understand.

What a huge lesson in humility! I realized I wasn’t abandoned. Sometimes there’s just not anyone around who is able to help in support. We are all here because we have an issue of some kind. We have to save ourselves before we can try to save someone else.

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