Your particular thought, "There is no such thing as mental illness..." well all you have to do is read and re-read these forums, the hopelessness, the fear, the stigma, the being at the end of one's rope, the sheer number of posts, the amount of hugs needed and given, mental illness is real whether wants to believe it, or not, it is simply there, accounted for, and it is up to us to better understand it, try to understand it, live with it, cope with it, and if at all possible accept it.

You asked, if you could hear, a story about one of us came to be, diagnosed, here is mine.

I was a freshman at Michigan State University, and I was hopelessly homesick. I had a judgemental, negative family, and relied quite heavily on my high school friends, for everything from advice about guys, to learning about life, I was very codependent with these girls, from the time I spent with them, codependent on their families, and very into the things they would tell me, I was just very good, at being young, my job was to be young, and I had it down to a tee, was terrified of growing up, terrified of beloved high school days coming to and end, and also, obssessed with a young man one of my best friends, basically, boy crazy...I made it through the first quarter of my freshman year, then found myself daydreaming about this high school crush, although, my contact with him was minimal. I began skipping classes, my boy craziness spread to obssessions with professors, I was interpreting things wrong, readin into things, basically, in my own world. I had joined campus groups, but read into them, that they were cults. My roommates would keep switching their living arrangements to avoid me, saying they just weren't as 'innocent' as me, or in my own world, as me. The campus groups I joined, tracked down my parent's number, told them it seemed I needed professional help. My mother drove out to get me. I left a few things, convinced, that one day, I would be back- I never was...I went home and was put on trilafon, referred to a female psychiatrist, the males couldn't seem to reach me. I would sit at home all day and watch music videos. I began to have delusions, that everyone in my high school had died, and had left, me. That the newscasters on the news were throwing out examples that my high school crush still loved me, I was delusional, had spent all my money on clothes from catalogues, had nothing left, went out driving, just around, ran out of gas and left my Honda Civic in the middle of the road, got out, was greeted by policemen, who performed a mental hygiene arrest, and was taken to the local psychiatric wing, where, alas, I received a diagnosis, bipolar, and my parents were told, I would porbably never graduate college, which, I eventually proved, wrong. When it was time to be discharged, I actually, asked to stay longer, and work harder, on my emotional self. There was talk about a placement in a year long intensive psychiatric program, which was told to my parents, who yelled at me " HOW CAN YOU JUST SIT THERE AS THEY SAY THIS!!" I collapsed into my family advocate's arms, Mary, and cried. I started to go back to college, although, it felt, my calssmates didn't know me since my childhood, as my high school classmates had, I just, didn't fit in, without this knowledge. I would try to fit in at various places of employment, it was always, there is something different, about this girl, and they would inform me, I was being let go, if they said it that nicely. Then, I got a job as a nanny, loved the three girls, and came, out of shell, or what others perceived as a shell. After that job, I found a waitressing position at a family restaurant, and this was the second job, that didn't fire me. The family was eccentric, and this was good, very good for me. I was accepted for the first time in my life.. I began making up for lost time and dating many, many people. I slowly went off, my medication, and the 22nd of this month, I begin nursing school. The nurses in the psychiatric wing were so, so, good to me, and I want to be a psychiatric nurse, and bring this story back, to another, girl, who gets care, and grows..............