Hi Jessika and Welcome to PsychCentral!

There are a couple of points I would like to make regarding your post.

Whenever someone mentions that their mate became way drunk or messed up on drugs and then became violent in any way shape or form certainly sends up huge red flags. I completely understand where your friends and family are concerned for you and your safety. It matters not that he didn't hit you hon, but he grabbed you so hard he left bruises....that is NOT acceptable...never, ever, ever, ever hon. Being wasted does NOT excuse him from this behavior. He choose to drink...he choose to lash out. No excuses. I'm talking from experience....being married for too long to an abusive alcoholic myself....been there done that.

Now, you say he has done everything he can to get help for himself to change. I think that is wonderful. But, that said, the proof is in the pudding. How long has he been receiving help? Is he going to therapy, or AA and if so, does he go to AA every single day? Does he make it to all his therapy appts? If he hasn't started any therapy yet, does he have an appt? Has he stopped drinking on his own? These are the kinds of things you must watch for to find out if he is sincere in helping himself.

A way for us to know how a person really is in life is to watch how they handle the difficulties of life. Of course it's rough to loose loved ones and it can be depressing no doubt. But how an individual handles the situation tells you a lot about who they are.

What I'm trying to say is this....be aware! Don't make excuses for him or his behavior. He is responsible for his actions and his words. Do not become an enabler. First and foremost, take care of your safety!

As far as your ex goes, it sounds like he is trying to bully you into leaving this guy. He may be doing it with the best of intentions (or he may not). But I don't see that as a way to endear himself with you.

If indeed your boyfriend is trying to change his ways, time will be the defining factor. Hopefully he is serious about making some positive changes in his behaviors and your family and friends will see those changes as they come along.

I wish you both well!


sabby