Yeah, Junerain, you got me there.

This world is definitely not a world that I can live at peace with... Constantly around me, they appear and disappear as fast as they come... Catalysts that literally transform my whole personality into something else that I'm not OK with once my sanity returns to me. Everywhere, every day, every moment, they just keep coming and coming, like 'bullets to an enemy caught in the range of fire in a war.' The only ways I can change this is if I either live in sheer yet bliss ignorance of all that is happening, someone takes my precious life from me, or I do something to open the eyes of the people around me. And no, I don't aim to be the next Martin Luther King, but I DO want this world to change for the better...

Thanks for the many compliments, SpottedOwl. I actually thought it bothered people more by making it so it was livelier and easier to read so I was thinking twice about it, but your compliments make me feel good about being different and trying my own things! Believe me, I'd like my life to be nothing more than happiness in every corner, but the more that I try remembering what is making me so troubled, the more unhappy and troubled I become... It's like weightlifting: you start off light and easy, then you work up to more weight, and it gets heavier and harder after every inrease. But when you're done and you feel that you've done as much as you can, you look at your results and smile, because you reached your goal... So, all i can do is keep looking into myself until I find out what's making me feel so unhappy, until I find it and eliminate it. Who knows? It may unearth other things...

I'm glad I haven't read my posts once they stop being replied to... Getting angry with no reason as to why I want to be angry is not a smart thing to do (reading my rants and reviving the feelings), in my opinion... I just write what I feel I want to say (vent), then check back every now and then since I commited to the responsibility of starting a topic... I think that, since I'm venting a bit here and there and asking for opinions and getting answers, I'm feeling better about myself, and it gives me more motivation.

Today I did my fourth T session, and now I have a neurologist session and a psychiatrist session around the corner. Hopefully time will not be a thorn on my side for long, and I'll be able to finish up without dropping out of the whole thing, frustrated by the long process and countless hours of worrying and whatnot.

Sannah, I know I don't have to, but I still get the feeling that they'll just shrug me off and think of me as someone who's just trying to be "different". I can't find examples that will convince me that I'm not what others would call "normal", so I'm stuck with that same doubt over and over in my mind. To me, forgetting everything, losing balance, lightheadedness whenever I stand up, being nervous about social events, anger against everything, and fast mood swings (between other things) were normal for anyone else to experience, but after meeting my previous girlfriend, I noticed how alike we were, and how her traits were seen as something completely abnormal, making me feel unsure about myself... And if I'm not sure about something, I tend to involuntarily ignore it and postpone it. And when my problems disappear for sometimes what seems to be days, I feel like it was all just some bad dream, some thoughts I just made up, or myself trying to feel different, and that leads to me feeling unsure about myself... Until they come back again with a vengeance. Then I find it hard to go find help, which was what happened to me last year, in my previous college (which i changed from because my grades were horrible, and economic problems).

Thanks for all the replies, people! They're seriously helping me find the motivation to continue, and not stop or drop off my sessions! I have to press on, and ignore all those negative thoughts that keep trying to make it harder on me in the long run!