HI James and welcome to the Forum. Glad you found this place as I am sure you will receive great support here.
I also have OCD among other things. I have a terrible time with my intrusive thoughts so i can relate some what to your agony. I do think that a certain amount of "looking at the opposite sex" happens normally anyway. I know this may be enhanced by the OCD as well. I think maybe your wife feels a bit insecure as she might not fully understand OCD. Have you talked with her about this. Maybe your therapist can supply you with some literature for your wife to read so she can better understand that somethings are beyond your control and part of the OCD.
But she has to also understand that just because you guys are married, does mean you cant admire beauty. Sometimes, when I'm out with my hubby and I see a pretty women I will point her out to my hubby. Maybe it's because we have been together forever. Maybe were weird. Who knows. LOL
I am sorry you have to deal with this I know it is a diffucult matter. My hubby has a hard time understanding alot of my issues with depression, anxiety and OCD. I try to keep him informed with research and talking openly with him about things.

Please keep us posted. Take care.

P.S. I'm not a great typist LOL