Hey Mal,

Change is really hard. Changing your thoughts and emotions is particularly hard. I'm really struggling with that too. But I guess I still have some hope of being able to, even after all this time and failing at it over and over again, since I keep trying with therapy. I have to do it, or I don't really have a future. I definitely can't be a therapist if I can't change myself. How can I ask other people to do something that I won't do myself? But that's what I want to be some day, so I have to do my own work. If I can do it, you can too. Then again, nobody's going to make you. I just want to tell you, from someone who has been every bit as hopeless and who has thought that it was just meant to be that way, that you can change your thoughts and emotions, even if it's scary and it takes monumental effort, it will still be worth it. Staying this way, with no self-esteem, is worse.