hospital runs a risk of drawing too much attention to something i can't draw too much attention to and i've drawn enough attention, and docotrs ask too many questions. if i lie and say self-inflicted, then i'm scared they'd force me to stay in hospital or something.

arranged a lift to the clinic tomorrow, hate clinics because of the waits and they never help very much but better then nothing and they're anonymous and can't ask too many questions.

got enough painkillers to last the night. tried to eyewash again and it just made it messier so not even going to reattepmt on the arm, it's still twitchy and disgustingly painful, still feeling faint etc. it just looks black and bloody and red and blistered, i didn't think skin could char black and get gauz stuck to it.

sorry to update this and whine, just kills me irl and can't talk about it, kateis worried enough about me and trying to drag me to see a doctor as is.