I posted here last year and then stopped. My h uses verbal and emotional abuse to relate to me. I look back now and see that I have lived in fear and pain for the past 6 years. I have endured his affairs, his rages for hours, his isolation of me from family and friends. And his behavior just escalates, each year is worse than the last.

When he approaches me, I without thought, take steps backwards, look for all possible exits, etc. When the attacks come for no reason out of nowhere, you are left anxious and wondering what will happen next? I have realized there is no why? He just does things. He never says he is sorry and loves to tell me that I deserve to be yelled at for hours, that I must do what he say and when, that he does have the right to say what I can and cannot wear, how to bathe myself, drive to work, when to sleep or not to sleep. And of course follows it all up with a demand for sex for hours. All about his control and power.

I do not even exist anymore. Just wanted to leave this last message so someone will know that I am gone. Someone will mark the death of my soul.