We have discussed what integration means... and it is the "gold standard"....not just co-consiousness... or the "system" working well collectively together... so this... just makes me very anxious.. very, very anxious...

It also makes me feel very, very depressed.... because for me.. this is an unobtainable goal.... and yes I know in theory... it is possible.. and is done... but I am 52.... and have worked for this "goal" for 24 years... and well... I DON"T want IT... lol....I am 52.... want some peace.. some quiet.. some fun... in my life..(have always taken care of someone - my mom even at an early age, my ex-husband, my son)... it is my turn now...

Yet when I discussed... having "long term therapy" to help manage my everyday life - without integration...

he said: "I don't do that kind of work"..

Yet.. when I went to him... I told him that was what I was looking for.. though in all honesty - at the time he did not know I was DID... it was at one of those first couple of sessions...

So... I don't know.....

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr... confused...