booboo,

First and foremost don't be too hard on yourself for having put up with the abuse, actually that is very common. I learned a great deal about abusive relationhips when I was in the process of starting a dmoestic violence program at a hospital I once worked at. Many women stay with abusive aprtners for a whole host of reasons.

The advice to seek out a women's center or a domestic violence hotline is sound. The number for teh National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233. You need to free yourself from the abuse. No one should have to put up with that. And, experience shows that in most cases the abuse will not stop until you take drastic action to remove yourself from the situation.

I know because my ex wife was very verbally abusive, and at the end was physically abusive as well. She even got to the point after I left where she was physically abusive to my son when she got real stressed out. So I have both professional and personal experience in this type of situation. I know first hand how it robs you of your self esteem and who you are as a person.

I am so sorry that you have held to deal with that for so long. Please recognize that it is his problem and not yours. There are lots of resources out there to help you, support groups, professionals that see this every day. You are not alone and there are lots of people that can help you.