All through my teenagers years, ive thought there was something wrong with me, but couldn't explain it, I couldn't put my finger on it. I was rebelling, self harming, not eating properly, and hardly had any proper stable relationships. I was overly sexual you could say, and never knew who I was, in fact, I would try my best to fit in with whoever, I would be who I was hanging out with for that time. I always felt alone and abandoned even with "friends", though when I done relationships and friendships back then, I would be emotionally distant, I was scared. My anger was extreme, I would regularly physically fight over tiny things, such as not getting my own way
As I grew older, it got worse. I got chucked out of school and then cut all my friends off and grew alone. The anger got worse, I would get extremely violent, have sex with randoms, binge eat or not eat at all, self harm regualy.
i was also sexually abused in my childhood and have had problems with my parents.

i got into a friendship with someone and probably the day I met her, got intensly attached. i became soo dependant on her, one minute i would love her, the next i would hate her, i would push her away, then beg for her to come back, i wanted to be with her 24/7 and that was that, in the end, i thought she left me, so i attempted suicide.

i attempted suicide alot. i also manipulate people, therapists, doctors and have a love hate relationship with them. its all or nothing. my therapist went on holiday, and i acted like a five year old when she left, crying, begging, nearly screaming, i was so scared of being abandoned and even thought about overdosing when she was away to make her feel guilty. I hated her for it, so much, I absolutely hated it and felt horrible and gross and it felt like she had abandoned me.
When she returned, I felt nothing but anger and hate. She was then half an hour late for my session - which resulted in extreme anger, running away, self harming, her finding me, then me screaming at her saying she was a ******* ***** etc. She didnt dare come near me, though I wish she didnt leave me right then - I hated her alot but I didnt want her to leave me. I got back and was so angry I felt out of control. I felt so abandoned and let down and wanted to die. I started kicking things etc.

I also hate ending sessions, it feels like im being abandoned and refuse to end them. She ends up leaving me crying etc.

I tend to play my doctor and mental health nurse off on eachother and have only just realised it.
There is a bunch of other stuff, but am tired.
I am now in late adolescent, between ages 17-19, is this normal? I feel emotionally like a five year old.