((((wanttoheal))))

As you know I have been posting in Clydes corner as well, and I kind of had a good thing happen over the weekend that I wanted to share with you. I have had a hard time dealing with my best friend as per "trigger points", that out of fear I let go on and on afraid to mention them to him because of the fear, (1.) of being misunderstood, (2) fear of rejection, and (3) of making him angry. But this weekend we sat down to talk about one thing and it became much more in that we were able in a calm way to talk about many things. I will not say it was really easy for me as he did call into play my behavior and that he thinks I am too bossy, and not willing to take responibilty for my actions. That hurt as I was aware of some things but totally unaware of others. But I was able to hear it and respond without dissociating. This to me was a surprize, but a welcome one. Shows my therapy is doing some good. But in being aware of some and not of other it made me really look at memory issues and see that there is a bigger picture coming in to play here and that I must not shy away from the big picture but allow it to unfold. This is scary because I must be open to all the possibilities and not hide behind "it is my seizure disorder", and not accept dissociation or the possibility of having alters. It was also good because my best friend has agreeded to read the book Separated From the Light, by William B. Tollefson, Chapters 5 & 6, and be open minded about it, as well as, try to modifity his forceful reactions and words that cause me to freeze, dissociate, or hide. If we can work together I might be able to recover. That is a good thing. 1Girl