I just got home from seeing my T who talked to me about the biopsy. Trying to calm me and make me relax about it.

Then the phone rang and it was the nurse for tomorrow. She told me i couldnt take my klonopin or any type of sedative. I asked why not. She said i have to wait till im there and sign a waiver then take it in front of them. I said theres no way i can do that. I wont be able to function to get there. I started crying. Then i asked if they will have the needles already in the room, she said yes. Now im crying more. Then she said they will be restraining me cause in my records it says i've already hit a nurse and ran from getting needles. By this point im bawling. I told her i'm not going. I'm not getting it done. Whatever it is i'll just live with it or die with it. I scared her. She said she was going to speak to the doctor and call me back.

Im sorry i sound like such a wimp when it comes to needles. But i am.

When she called me back she asked if i take the klonopin every morning with my other meds. I told her my pdoc prescribed them for me to take them that way. She said okay, then go ahead and take it. But im taking two and not telling them. Then she told me they will not place the needles in the room. She said they will prep me, turn my head to the side and cover my face with a light towel. Then bring the needles in. I asked her about the restraining me and she said that decision will be made by the doctor when i get there.

I feel a little better now. Maybe i can get through this without causing problems or swinging at someone.

Send me some calm and relaxing thoughts for tomorrow morning, please. I need them bad.