Hi Leharas_mind and welcome to PC!
Definitely sounds like you are struggling but you also have a good idea of being happy with yourself.
You say that each guy that left you, you had thought they were the perfect man. Could you be expecting too much from them? There is no true perfect man or woman for that matter. We all have our faults. Could you be blindly going along in your relationships thinking that everything is rosy and wonderful when truly it isn't? Are you missing signs within that relationship that may be pointing to a problem of some sort? I don't know if you are that way or not....that's why I'm asking.
How long has it been since your last relationship broke up? There is always a grieving period we go through after a breakup. We grieve over what we had shared, what we were working together towards, and all the possibilities we had hoped for in that relationship. Everyone grieves in different ways in different times. Could it be that you are being too hard on yourself and not really giving yourself time to be in the moment of grief? We must allow ourselves that time to feel it, to absorb it and then to move on.
After you have allowed yourself time to grieve and heal, that would be a good time to take stock in your past relationships and see if there are any common threads in why they worked and why they didn't work. Sometimes a small change in how we behave or how we perceive certain situations that can help make the next relationship work better. I like to think that I have taken some good lessons from all my relationships. I can learn from them and apply things to myself and my life in hopes that it will help take my next relationship to a different level. Self introspect can really help us to modify any behaviors we have that may be negative or self defeating in nature.
I'm also a firm believer that things happen for a reason. We may not always know what that reason is at the time, and it can be brought forward to us later down the road.
I hope you are feeling better soon. Take good care of YOU!
sabby